your parents love me but you hate me
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
