Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
