im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
thus making me awesome and them whores
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
