i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
