he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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