the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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