This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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