i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
