I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Randomize
