Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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