And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
