You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Are these your boobs on my camera?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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