His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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