My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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