I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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