Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
