I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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