umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
MIDGETS
????
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
