I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
