i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
