I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
