i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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