so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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