I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
