We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
