go do what you do best...puke behind churches
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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