Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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