Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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