We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
