my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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