Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
