I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
