It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
