i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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