Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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