a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
