I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
