I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
