Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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