he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize