Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
