It's like God shit irony all over that family
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
