I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
