I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
