I got chris browned last night
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
