3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
