So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
