the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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