Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
