id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
