We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
