if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
a search helicopter?!
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
