the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
