PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
