Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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